On a cloudy Thursday afternoon, Isabel and Richard “R.J.” Ralston set up camping chairs on Coronado Central Beach. They watch their oldest daughter, Aliyah, play volleyball with middle school friends while Araceli, their youngest, enjoys the sandy shore.
In a couple of hours the Ralstons will head to Nado Gelato Cafe for a sweet treat. It’s a ritual of togetherness for a Coronado military family that cannot always be together.
“It was a tradition that he started [eight years ago] for our kids so that they can understand that even though he wasn’t in the house, sitting at the table having dinner with them, that he was somewhere eating ice cream so that they can still feel that togetherness,” said Isabel, 42, referring to her husband’s solo deployment away from home.
Isabel, a Bay Area native, is in her 18th year with the Navy where she now serves as a reservist after 4 ½ years of active duty and is a petty officer first class. Richard, 40, from Missouri, continues 21 years of active duty and is a senior chief petty officer.
Based in different cities, including their 2015 arrival to San Diego, followed by three years living in Coronado and then Fallbrook, the Ralston family views Coronado as home.
“When he came back, we were like, ‘We need to go back. We need to go back to our village, our town,’” said Isabel about her family’s return to Coronado in 2023.
But they also understand that “nothing is ever set in stone,” Isabel said about their future as a military family.
“We will go wherever the orders take us and we’re okay with that,” she added. “Would we like to stay here? Yes! who wouldn’t? But we will go where my husband is because we’re here to support.”
According to the U.S. Department of Defense, military families move on average every two to three years.
Since 1999, May 1 marks the beginning of National Military Awareness Month, an observance meant to raise awareness and encourage celebration and appreciation of those who serve — or have served — in the U.S. Armed Force, says the defense department.
Isabel said she enlisted at age 24 because she was not fulfilled with her life at the time.
“I felt that there was something more I could do,” she added. “The Navy gets smaller the longer you’re in because of the people you know.”
The department’s demographics in 2023 show more than 4.4 million individuals made up the total country’s forces community, 46% being military personnel and 54% family members. Of the more than two million family members, 37.2% were spouses and 62.5% were children. Navy family members made up over 300,000 of those people.
One out of six active-duty sailors is stationed in San Diego, which has more than 115,000 active-duty service members.
The city of Coronado’s website says approximately 20,000 military and civilian personnel support Naval Air Station North Island, Naval Amphibious Base Coronado and Silver Strand Training Complex.
The Coronado News reached out to Isabel, a mother, spouse and service member, to learn about her family’s military journey. Answers are edited for brevity and clarity.
“When I’m out in uniform and my kids are with me, while, yes, I appreciate people saying, ‘Thank you for your service.’ I respond with, ‘Thank you for your support’ because they understand that I’m not just in the Navy, but I’m sacrificing things. Those are the people that understand,” said Isabel.
Q: Your family finds itself in Coronado today, what’s it like living here?
Isabel: Bike riding, going to the beach … family togetherness. … The open community, it makes it feel like an old town — things that we had as kids growing up. Before cell phones, before Xboxes and Nintendo switches, all the social media that’s around. These kids are going out there actually having fun with their friends. … A small town, … People who care, people who understand, people who see the families and the kids. That’s Coronado, it’s community.
Q: How has military service influenced your life?
Isabel: I enjoy that camaraderie, the networking and being a person of service, being able to help out. … We understand nothing is ever set in stone, that at any moment, the schedules can change. We know that at any phone call, he [Richard] may have to go back to work. Being in the reserves, having been prior active duty, I do understand that he has a job and sometimes that job is not the 8 to 5. We’re flexible to that. … Our job as a sailor is not just that time frame, but it’s 24 hours. We represent regardless.
Q: What do you consider the most difficult part about being a military family?
Isabel: During COVID, … they [Aliyah and Araceli] started noticing that their immediate family was nowhere near. They couldn’t go to a cousin’s house and have a sleepover. Grandma and grandpa couldn’t come over. … It’s great to have your village, your friends, but that has been the hardest part, no immediate family. And the same for me, there are times when I didn’t want to pick up the phone and talk to my mom and vent, I wanted to go see my mom and vent to her.
We do what we can. We overcome. … It’s a way to become resilient. … I don’t let my girls bottle anything in. I want them to understand that it is okay to have feelings. It is okay to have those hard feelings that you can’t describe either. And the reason being is, because I don’t want them to feel that they’re ever locked in a little box and they have to keep it hidden. … Experiencing all these things, but not sulking on them. … I refuse to be in that downward spiral when things get rough.
Q: How do you keep the family in unison during challenging times (like deployments)?
Isabel: We make a routine. We try to eat at the same time. I get the girls involved with meal planning. They create a shopping list and the menu and we just keep going. We try to [do] milestones. … My girls will pick something. And sometimes they’ll just want to stay at home and chill out … and we’ll binge watch whatever shows are there.
[During] my husband’s deployment, my little one, she was adamant that she didn’t want dad to leave. She was really upset. So I relied on the resources at the school, the military counselors. … Tapping into resources, talking to not just your village, but the people who are around your children will help them.
Q: What advice do you have for old and new military families?
Isabel: For all these new military families, the ones that are just coming in: Don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid to meet the neighbors. … You are building bridges that way, … That could be your next emergency contact. For my old ones: Thank you. Thank you for building those bridges … for opening their doors, opening their arms to new families.
