On March 24, 2020, when Japan announced that it would be postponing the Tokyo Olympic Games for a year due to the COVID-19 pandemic, Jaleen Roberts’ heart sank. She had been preparing her whole life as a Paralympic athlete.
Roberts, 25, is the subject of a new short documentary film, “Out of the Dark,” that explores mental health crises – especially within a population that isn’t talked about as frequently, athletes. It will be shown at the Coronado Island Film Festival on Nov. 7 at 10 a.m at the Carousel Room in the Hotel del Coronado.
The Paralympian was born with cerebral palsy, a neurological disorder that affects a person’s motor skills, but she quickly found out that despite her diagnosis she thrived in all the sports that she played, especially track and field.
The film follows Roberts’ physical journey within the sport, qualifying and competing in World Championships as a para athlete, and then weeks before getting ready to travel to Tokyo for the Paralympic Games in 2020, her mental journey of falling into a deep depression and diagnosis of bipolar disorder.
The documentary, directed by Sarah Klein and Tom Mason, is just over eight minutes. Roberts said they filmed for about three days, with 4-6 hours of filming each day.
“Reenacting, it was definitely interesting,” she added. “It did provoke a lot of emotion.”
Roberts was diagnosed with depression when she was in middle school and she diligently took her medication for the next six years. Right before COVID-19 hit, she decided to stop taking her meds.
It was one of those things where I kind of felt so numb that I was like, ‘Well, even if I start to feel worse, at least I’ll feel something.’
Paralympic athlete Jaleen Roberts
“I had actually – which is not good and I don’t recommend to anybody – but I had actually stopped taking my medication pretty cold turkey,” Roberts explained. “It was one of those things where I kind of felt so numb that I was like, ‘Well, even if I start to feel worse, at least I’ll feel something.’”
The documentary reveals that Roberts had tied her purpose to her sport, and without it, she didn’t know what she was meant to do.
Roberts started having suicidal ideations and mentioned in the film that she was scared to be alone because she wasn’t sure what she would do to herself.
She had noticed patterns: not being able to leave her room, sleeping all day, manic episodes of high energy and making rash decisions. She eventually checked herself into a psychiatric hospital and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
That was four years ago. Since then, Roberts has won three silver medals and one bronze at the Tokyo and Paris games. She medaled for the 100-meter and the long jump.
She was able to find a balance in her life.
It doesn’t even have to be as deep as finding a purpose necessarily, just having other interests outside of track. I think that can be a preventative thing for not experiencing burnout or mental battles that stem from, you know, living, breathing track.
“It doesn’t even have to be as deep as finding a purpose necessarily, just having other interests outside of track,” Roberts said. “I think that can be a preventative thing for not experiencing burnout or mental battles that stem from, you know, living, breathing track.”
She said she had tied so much of who she was into her identity as an athlete that she needed to find other things she enjoyed and wanted to focus on.
One of those alternatives, for Roberts, is becoming an EMT. She is currently in training while still preparing for the 2028 Los Angeles Games, but her experience with her mental health showed her the importance of focusing on reducing anxieties.
It’s not just a matter of finding other passions in life, but of enjoying the little moments or experiences.
“I’ll do smaller things, like if I am watching a crappy reality TV show that I like, or if I want some ice cream,” she said.
Roberts has consistently been on medication, part of a challenging journey, she said, but she wants others to know through this film that there is always help.
“I would just tell myself that I’m proud of myself for just taking the first step and reaching out,” Roberts said. “I know a lot of people feel ashamed about going to the mental hospital because ‘I feel crazy,’ but it’s just another resource to help you.
And, also, nobody has to know about it that you don’t want to know.”
Roberts has been a big advocate for mental health since her own experiences, and doing this film was important for her to reduce the stigma.
She currently does speaking engagements for foundations and companies, but she said her goal is to start a foundation of her own focused on mental health advocacy and help.
Tickets can be purchased to view the documentary on the film festival’s website.
